Just when I tot I'd get over it, God trying to test me again.
I deleted all his contact, harden my heart and tell myself he is not going to affect my anything, nor emotion nor my mood.
Its fate or God just wnat to see how far my improvement going.
So I met him, or shall I make it more precisely I saw him in front of Channel 6 again, the place where he'd torn my heart in to pieces and leaved me puzzle till now. He is with a gang of his friends wanted to leave the cafe but Rachael (my sis)'s car has block their way, as she is busy talking to Dr. Ravi. So she asked me to move the car away. I rejected cos Im afraid I do not know how to open the key lock and start the car. (fyi the car is like few years older than my age)

But she insist as she has very importanat thing to discuss with Dr. which is his current boss while they are talking about her future job. So I have no choice but to step out from the clinic and head toward the car, and there you go, I was like DamN it, is him...

I was shocked and scared that he might saw me and both felt embarassed, so I dare not look into his way, I walk as fast I can, without making a turn over but just peepping on my toe. I am a chicken I should say.

The worst thing is I really failed to fix the car, the key can start the car, Oh not this time. God you trying to fool me around in this moment. Phew!! Rachael come out just in time to save my life. Since Dr. has a phone call so she come to check out on me. thanks God you still LoVe me better. She then appologize cause her car lock indeed have to has some skill to start it. Anyway, I quickly rush into the clinic and wondering if he saw me anot. Wow, tragedy...

Well honoursly it doesn't stay in my mind long...hence theres an improvement account rite, dear God. Do you know our God is a Jealous God? ok, now Im aLL yours.

It doesn't matter how long was it from now,
It still tangling though you thought you have long left it behind,

LoVe is Blind, I don't have a good point to fight.
I have to VaLe tonight.
I traped in, not just once,
and now I see you here, merely a shoadow of everybody.

Is not about being rational,
You can't do much cause you have put your head in.
it always stuck somewhere, and for very long.

This is helpless, pointless in the end.
Made no construction yet leave you blur.

Curse the remarkable anniversary,
brought every memory back,
while it shouldn't exist for good.

Blessed is me that in peace.
Bless the she with your Light,
Lit the way, and made her see.

No regret, No turn back,
shall our life be.
Once you decide,
Go ahead and you'll release.

Apelle (gnostico)
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Apelle fu un eretico del II secolo, seguace a Roma di Marcione, si distaccò dal maestro, sostenendo il monismo della divinità e cadendo nello gnosticismo di scuola alessandrina.
Ad Alessandria d'Egitto Apelle si legò alla vergine Filomena, una sorta di chiaroveggente versata nella magia, che proclamava frequenti visioni di Cristo e San Paolo. Con l'aiuto della ragazza cercò di mediare tra le posizioni dualiste di Marcione e quelle cristiane. Infatti, se Marcione nelle sue Antitesi distingueva il Dio severo e duro del Vecchio Testamento, il Dio della Legge, il Demiurgo, dal Dio buono del Nuovo Testamento, Padre di Gesù Cristo, secondo il dualismo gnostico-manicheo, Apelle ritornò al concetto cattolico di Unità e Trinità di Dio. Inoltre, Apelle voleva unire la visione gnostica e quella cristiana, nonostante il suo docetismo, per il quale, in contrasto con il credo ufficiale della Chiesa, proclamava che il Corpo di Cristo era del tutto immateriale, formato tuttalpiù di materiale stellare o sostanza divina.
Apelle fu avversato dai Padri della Chiesa. Tertulliano, per esempio, additava Filomena come una prostituta ed accusava Apelle di impudicizia, ma Rodone, che lo aveva conosciuto personalmente, si riferisce a lui come "venerabile per il comportamento e l'età". Tertulliano, comunque, lo attaccò spesso nei suoi scritti (De Praeser., LXVII; Adv. Marc., III, g. 11, IV 17) e scrisse persino un'opera dedicata espressamente a lui: Adversus Apelleiacos che, sfortunatamente, è andata perduta, ma che era nota sia a Sant'Ippolito di Roma che a Sant'Agostino d'Ippona. Il "Santo e Buon Dio superiore", secondo Apelle, non si interessò mai delle cose inferiori, ma emanò un altro dio che creò il mondo. Apelle scrisse anche un vasto lavoro intitolato Syllogismoi per provare la fallacità del Vecchio Testamento. Posto tra il diteismo marcionita e il triteismo, il monismo apellaico portò alla fondazione a Roma (dove ritornò dall'Egitto) delle Chiese gnostiche di Apelle che durarono fino al 400.

A Prayer

=Future Spouse=

Father I seek first Your Kingdom and Your righteousness, and all things shall be mine as well. I know that You love me and that I can trust Your word: For in HIm the whole fullness of Deity continues to dwell in bodily form - giving complete expression of the divine nature. And I am in Him, made full and have come to the fullness of life - in Christ I too am filled with the Godhead: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, and reach full spiritual stature, And Christ is the head of all rule and authority - of every angelic principality and power. Because of Jesus, I am complete; He is my Lord.

I come before You, Father, desiring a Christian mate. I petition that Your will be done in my life, and I enter into that blessed rest ny adhering to, trusting in, and relying on You.

Father You desire that I live a life free from care, that I should be content and satisfied in every situation that I am in, and that I should not be anxious or worried about anything. You have said that if I am willing to obedient to Your Word, You will give me the desires of my heart. It is my desire that someday I will be married to the person You have chosen for me.

I pray for him. Father, especially help him to grow in love, Your kind of love. A friend loves at all times, and I desire that my spouse be a person who shares the same love that I have for You, someone who will be one in spirit and purpose woth me.

I ask You to send mature men and women into our lives to give us good, godly counsel and to teach us how we should love each other and care for our family. Teach us both what You expect husbands and wives to do and how we ought to behave towards each other. Reveal to our hearts Your Word concerning the marriage relationship and correct any wrong thinking in our lives. Grant us knowledge through godly people, books, tapes, and preaching that will give us understanding concerning relationship, so that we can avoid damaging the relationship You desire for us.

Father, I trust You to lead me and judge me by Your Holy Spirit so that when your perfect time is right, I will have the wisdom, discretion, and discernment to know that my choice and Yours are the same for my life-mate. I am secure with the mind and the spirit that You have given me to make this decision.

I pray that the eyes of my future spouse's understanding will be opened so that he will have complete knowledge of Your will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding. I pary that he will live a life that is worthy of You, Lord, and pleasing to You inevery way. Thank you that he will always be involved in doing good deeds, and have a strong, growing relationship with You. I pray that our commitment to each other will continually grow as we drew closer to You.
In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

<Prayers That Avail Much>

Oh Lord Jesus, open my eyes so that I can see, grant me the spirit of wisdom, to meet the one and only man who will lead me in my life espeacially in my church life. Blessed him with the spirit that he and I can live in one spirit which is in You. Oh Lord Jesus, I believe You know the best for me and You will surely give me the best. Thank you Lord for Your mighty love, so when the perfect time has come I will know that he is the one You had choose for me. Amen

I’ve been checking back the collection I kept, one from the box, one inside the yomigaki text book, and another one somewhere in my deck of paper, so there is all together 3 pieces of them. And I remember that there is still one.
Out of three 2 is from Langkawi, one from Cameron Hignland. I can get to know a lot of you from these tiny little gifts; I really treasure a lot every time I take it out and read it again. I always feel very fortunate that we still can be friend even though we’ve been apart for years and without any specific reason. But recently plenty of your extremely wired reaction toward me makes me tremendously heartache. I try to finds you excuse to comfort myself and even find you excuse to convince my sis that you are not that cruel but just…well some super lame excuses which I felt so stupid to tell.
I can’t explain about the Alex’s birthday incident, which you really shock me as if I am being too busy body in this matter. Just if I did something wrong. I don’t know why. Am I doing too much? But I no longer feeling sad, I am just a little disappointed. I know you are clear that who is doing wrong and who is being rude here. Is it that hard to apology? At least you let me know politely. Sometimes I think I should be thankful that you make me and Alex friend. He is nice guy I think, at least I like the way we are. At least he knows that you did something hurts me and sounds you.
I can’t explain the Channel 6 incident, which your immediate turning back indeed give me an ice point cold shoulder. What do you mean by “oh, is you.” with your red T, white shorts, Dunhill and K700 on each hand? I tell you I remember every little thing. Can you stop making something unexplainable and later on give me very unreasonable excuses. I can always forget and forgive but aL you have gained yourself very high can’t be trusted point.
I have been numb, don’t forget I am an expert in being hurt by heartless guy which always reckless about my feeling. I am very strong now. Your reaction to me wouldn’t be bothering me long like it used to be, because I know the best way to be happy.
May be you will not be reading this, but it doesn’t matter. cause its still the same whether you will or will not. You won’t give a damn…

She is dreaming after a long night, she thought she would at least has a nice sleep or if the dream lady wanted to award her with a dream just let it be a sweet dream. Things did eventually turn sweet, but she knew it well is unreal. And she is even being embarassed in the begining of the story.
Story started so complcated that she actually appears to be in the sister house, and having some meal within . Then he exist and then out of no where they were waiting for her, ok well, she is trying to change her attire before leaving to dunno picnic or something.
She can't quite remember why she kena scold by the bastard, so she run out to look for a laundry.Arter some times he came to her and everything has change, he become so tender that and she forgot what did she said to him, and they end up hold hand and walk back to the house.
She wonder the dream is trying to reveal her any message or thing, but she did awake and have a little ponder about that.
May she is thirst of love, or may be just some one to warm the palm which she has always took care of.
Or God is trying to show her that never ever take this person in her life again, as he is nothing but to break her heart?

Once again she has been treated as some flessless bloodless creature, but now after so many times she learnt, to be immune for every heart slashing thing you guys did to her. She wont be putting it in the brain, twisting and turning for the whole day, talking to the mirror crying to herself. She now has so much to be done. Life is so meaningfull and there is lots more that worth her to pay her care to.
Out to the mamak socializing around make her so fullfilling but heartfelt sorry to those who has been neglected or ignore, just if she can splits herself into three or four parts to sit with them in diffrent group of people.
Back to KL, came the good old friends all the way just to give her mentally support, walking with her under the sun looking for the God DaMn photostat shop, giving compliment so indirectly but she don't take it as granted. Silently she keep it in under the cover of the memory lane. She recorded in the heart. Glad to hear from a very special case friend that I am actually speak, she means I write good words. But dear pal, She really wish something will turn out to be out of her expectation eventually. Things does change from time to time, we'll won't know but she really hopes God has lead her way here.
With buddies and dearest families, Blessed she is, and she always did. Feeling so nice to have a GOD. You are my LoRd, I'll listen to you.